When I was not pregnant--which would be my entire adult life until about six months ago--I routinely gave up my seat on the subways for pregnant women. I did this not because I hoped someone would return the favor one day, but because my parents raised me properly and also because I have a Liz Lemon-like devotion to subway etiquette. I often wonder why I bother, though, because so many of my fellow riders so obviously do not give a shit about other people. Never has this become more obvious than in the last few weeks.
I do get offered seats on the subway, but I have to work for them. A friend had warned me about this. She explained that in order to get a seat, she would have to unbutton her coat, sigh heavily, and stare at the person sitting right in front of her--basically, publicly shaming them until they were forced to do the right thing, lest they look like a jerk.
And this is pretty much how it's worked out for me so far. Not that this even works every time, mind you.
Some people are genuinely so spaced out and/or absorbed in their reading that they truly do not notice; when they happen to glance up and notice me, they immediately offer me their seat. This has happened a few times; I've done it myself in the past. These are not the people I'm ranting about right now. I'm talking about people who are truly only out for themselves and couldn't give a flying fuck about any of their fellow riders.
Another friend related the story of a man who was sitting down on a crowded train car; he had a suitcase with him and evidently believed this entitled him to a seat, despite the fact that she was standing right in front of him with a nine months' pregnant belly. He looked up at her, took note of the situation, and decided to do nothing. The elderly woman sitting next to him proceeded to give him the side eye until it was time for her to get off the train. Before she exited the car, she turned to him, pointed her finger, and said in a thick Russian accent, "YOU--you are very bad man!"
I recently had a woman stick up for me on an uber-crowded 5 train during rush hour. We were standing next to each other; she saw my belly and took matters into her own hands, loudly asking a row of seated riders, "Will anyone please give this woman a seat?" The woman sitting in front of me immediately proffered her seat, explaining that she hadn't realized I was pregnant (I'm pretty big at this point, but I was wearing a baggy shirt so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt). Anyway, I thanked both women. The woman who got the seat for me explained that she knew what it was like, having been there herself.
Unfortunately, these subway saints are outnumbered about 25 to one by dicks who don't care. (And I pretty much mean that literally: 99.99% of the people who have given me seats have been female. One woman gave up her seat for me, despite the fact that a perfectly able-bodied man--oh, and an overtly religious one, for whatever that's worth--was sitting there reading the paper, without a care in the world. I gave him the side eye on her behalf once I sat down. Guys, come the fuck ON.)
Now, it's not like I have a broken leg, or I'm 90 years old. But standing on a crowded subway when you have a big belly and an aching back frankly sucks. Giving up your seat for a preggo lady may not seem fair, but trust me, she will be grateful. She will thank you profusely. And you won't have to walk around with the knowledge that you pretty much suck.
I do get offered seats on the subway, but I have to work for them. A friend had warned me about this. She explained that in order to get a seat, she would have to unbutton her coat, sigh heavily, and stare at the person sitting right in front of her--basically, publicly shaming them until they were forced to do the right thing, lest they look like a jerk.
And this is pretty much how it's worked out for me so far. Not that this even works every time, mind you.
Some people are genuinely so spaced out and/or absorbed in their reading that they truly do not notice; when they happen to glance up and notice me, they immediately offer me their seat. This has happened a few times; I've done it myself in the past. These are not the people I'm ranting about right now. I'm talking about people who are truly only out for themselves and couldn't give a flying fuck about any of their fellow riders.
Another friend related the story of a man who was sitting down on a crowded train car; he had a suitcase with him and evidently believed this entitled him to a seat, despite the fact that she was standing right in front of him with a nine months' pregnant belly. He looked up at her, took note of the situation, and decided to do nothing. The elderly woman sitting next to him proceeded to give him the side eye until it was time for her to get off the train. Before she exited the car, she turned to him, pointed her finger, and said in a thick Russian accent, "YOU--you are very bad man!"
I recently had a woman stick up for me on an uber-crowded 5 train during rush hour. We were standing next to each other; she saw my belly and took matters into her own hands, loudly asking a row of seated riders, "Will anyone please give this woman a seat?" The woman sitting in front of me immediately proffered her seat, explaining that she hadn't realized I was pregnant (I'm pretty big at this point, but I was wearing a baggy shirt so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt). Anyway, I thanked both women. The woman who got the seat for me explained that she knew what it was like, having been there herself.
Unfortunately, these subway saints are outnumbered about 25 to one by dicks who don't care. (And I pretty much mean that literally: 99.99% of the people who have given me seats have been female. One woman gave up her seat for me, despite the fact that a perfectly able-bodied man--oh, and an overtly religious one, for whatever that's worth--was sitting there reading the paper, without a care in the world. I gave him the side eye on her behalf once I sat down. Guys, come the fuck ON.)
Now, it's not like I have a broken leg, or I'm 90 years old. But standing on a crowded subway when you have a big belly and an aching back frankly sucks. Giving up your seat for a preggo lady may not seem fair, but trust me, she will be grateful. She will thank you profusely. And you won't have to walk around with the knowledge that you pretty much suck.
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